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Why am I doing this blog?….

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Image by InspiredImages from Pixabay 

I have spent most of 2019 in psychiatric hospitals and had no hope. I left the recent hospital I was in, believing there was absolutely no future for me, that all my life would be is just a revolving door from one hospital to the next. Or worse – I would die! Leaving my family and friends in devastation.

Not only has my mental health been in a desperate state with severe symptoms of PTSD and dissociation; my physical and spiritual state has been neglected and has suffered also.

I had always prided myself on being physically active and fit, sporty and athletic, healthy and adventurous. These last few years all of that has been in disarray. I put on 5 stone in one year, I now weigh 15 stone, the largest I have ever been. I am spotty, uncomfortably overweight, wearing mens XL clothing, confidence has plummeted and I have hid myself away and stopped connecting with and loving the world, ashamed and afraid, and living in guilt. I lost my smile and zest for life.

You will be pleased to know that 2 weeks ago today I made a decision once and for all – that absolutely no way can I die! I have to live and I have to make it the best life I possibly can. I started “talking life” back to myself and my brain chemistry has shifted from deep depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts and hearing commanding voices every day and night to now relief and hope for a future.

I have started exercising regularly and eating a healthy diet. In fact I am starting a 30 day detox tomorrow – I did this a few years back and it was the healthiest I ever felt!

I know I am not alone and want to reach out to anyone who wants to join me on a recovery journey to fullness of life, health, wellness, fitness and happiness.

I am taking my first positive step on this new road… here goes… hope you enjoy the ride and come along with me too! If you need some positive encouragement to transform yourself, I am here – cheering you on.

Love Tracey x

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blogging about overcoming mental illness, recovering my life through wellness, nutrition and fitness. Helping others to overcome their struggles and live a full life.

44 thoughts on “Why am I doing this blog?….

  1. Tracey, I wish you all the best on your road to recovery, so sad to read what you have been through, but hopefully you have now turned the corner. Sending love Val x

      1. Thank you yes, I am retired now, takes a bit of getting used to! I do hope you win this battle and will be following you, need to lose weight myself so will maybe give me an incentive! Take care and good luck. xx

  2. Tracey I had no idea! You are an amazing person and you taught me to care for others and to be kind to those in need but there is only one thing more important which is your own health and well-being. So sad to read this but great to see you are feeling more positive and have plans to improve your mental health. Here’s my number if you ever want a chat. Be great to have a catch up. The charity you started with me is still running and currently has 19 young people being funded through education in Kenya. One of the small achievements you’ve been a part of in your incredible journey of life so far. Sending all my love. Cam xx 07748378769

  3. Hey beautiful girl.. I was totally unaware of all these updates in your life. It’s now obvious that it’s been ages that we have met last time.

    Shocking to see what you have been through but equally proud of you that you pulled yourself up and now on an onward and an upward journey.

    Just wanted to let you know that whenever I think of you, I get reminded of you as a gorgeous girl with a golden heart who selflessly helps others and has a great sense of humour who has amazing dance moves!!
    I wish you the best with all my heart and hope to see you soon xxx take care

  4. Hi Tracey, I m so sorry to hear you have had such a hard time of things over the last few years. I always remember you from school as such a happy and kind girl who deserves all the happiness. I hope that your amazing inner strength pulls you through and you find peace and love with life again. I’ll be cheering for you! Love Faye xxx

  5. My dearest most precious niece, you are truly the kindest most beautiful soul who we love and adore, you’re an inspiration to us all and we are all here for you …always love you poops … Di Di xxx

  6. Tracey I miss you!
    I’m so sorry for everything you have been through. Be confident that the amazing, caring, clever, fun person I knew is, and always will be, still there. One good thing about being on the other side of the world is that if my friends need someone in the middle of their night I am probably awake and able to reply. I hope your journey is smooth – you deserve happiness. Much love, Jen xxxxxxxx

    1. Aw Jen I miss you too!! Thanks so much lovely. Sending you lots of love and I hope you have a lovely Christmas and 2020 is a great one. Much love xxxx

  7. Bless your heart Tracey. This is a season of Immanuel ” God with us” and I am so greatful that He comes to live inside of us not inspite of our frail human state but because of it. Thank you for being so brave and posting this. Praying that you will be increasingly be aware of Immanuel in your life this Christmas. xx

  8. Tracey we don’t k ow each other well but I remember you and your big smile from the dancing days! I’m so sorry to hear how you have been feeling. I have also struggled with my mental health on and off and I know it is the most lonely and terrifying place to be. I’m so glad to hear that you are feeling positive now and ready to fight. Wishing you well my love xxxx

  9. Dear Tracey. I was so sad to read about your personal struggle. You have spent so many years caring for others that you have clearly not cared enough for yourself. I know what a strong person you are at heart and you will overcome this. You have already taken the first steps. Might I make a suggestion which may or may not be of interest to you. About 4 years ago, I started the NHS Couch to 5k. I had never been a runner before, and at the age of 54, was doubtful that I could do it. It turned out to be one of the best things I’ve ever done. Running can be hugely therapeutic in many ways. It gives you thinking time and brings you close to nature, quite apart from the physical health benefits.
    I would love to keep in touch with you to offer whatever support I can. Sending love and hugs. Keep your chin up, Tracey. There are many people who care deeply about you xxx

    1. Thanks so much Judy, you are one of the kindest nurses and people I have ever met. Thanks so much for your encouragement and support. I will try the couch to 5k thanks for the tip. Sending you lots of love and hope you have a lovely Christmas xxxx

  10. Hi Gorgeous. The whole thing of what’s happened to you over the last year or so is a bit of a mystery but you have the humility to grab hold of hope even in the middle of the mystery and pain like a branch that has been offered to pull you out of the quagmire and I’m so glad to hear that you are grabbing on to it with both hands. You are a city on a hill and a lamp on a stand and Jesus shines through you even in the darkness x

  11. It is hard to read of the journey you have travelled Tracey. You are one of those unique people who, throughout your life give to others. It seems now is a time you should take, with all the love being channelled your way Tracey. I will pray for you. I wish you strength, clarity and happiness. X

    1. So lovely to hear from you, you were such a great boss and person. Thanks so much for your kind, lovely words. Hope you are doing well. Lots of love xx

  12. I know ur strong enough to come back to the loving caring ever smiling girl we all knew step by step good luck take a trip to nakuru help u relax

  13. Hey Tracey, your blog feels so brave! I’m cheering you on along with everybody else (and Hebrews 12:1-2). I’m so sad to read of how tough 2019 has been. You are not forsaken nor forgotten and you can find your way through this. One quote that kept me going through a few years if darkness was: “Do not forget in the darkness what you learned in the light.” And I came through it and life is much better now.

  14. Hi Tracey

    So so sorry to hear this. It’s such a hard journey and little steps forward will get you there. If your heading back home for Christmas back to Essex and you want a walk/ run or natter let me know and pop in. Love to you and your family. Xx

  15. Hi Tracey, tough read and I had no idea. I hope you get to where you want to be. We obviously met in Kenya and I thought you were the most amazing talented person Id met in a long time. Vivacious, full of life, funny and lovely with it. Then I remember you turned to nursing and I could see you were doing all sorts of great things in your life with the church etc.. Im fighting weight problems at the moment, as I cant exercise and its really grinding. Ive had to support a very close family member battling serious mental health issues this year and its frightening. So Im with you on both counts and all I can say is that there are so many people who love you and care for you out here (you probably don’t know) so you’re not alone. Best of luck. PB

    1. Hi Leigh, thanks so much, I loved our time in Kenya would love to do it again some day. Thanks so much for your kind words, means a lot. Hope you and family are well and have a lovely Christmas xxxxx

  16. Good luck Tracey.
    I am so sorry to hear that you have had such a difficult time. You are incredibly strong for sharing this, and I hope you know that.
    You are such a kind, lovely soul and I’m thinking of you and wishing you all the best.
    Lots of love. Xxx

  17. Dearest Tracey,
    Although I’m physically far away I love you. And that love transcends space and time. You are loved by so many near and far and that is because you’ve deeply touched so many people’s lives. It’s a gift, that light wants to keep shining; let it. Life has thrown you all these curveballs and yet you handle them with grace. I hope you can bask in the love that surrounds you and you can maintain that strong grace which has helped you in the past and is giving you meaning again now. I miss you. You know you’re always welcome here and that you can talk with me anytime. Sending love all ways xxxxxx

    1. Thanks so much Flee, I miss you and Dan so much. We should defo face time soon! You’re such a wonderful friend and person. I love you heaps xxxx

  18. Hi beauty. Thank you for your honestly and bravery. You truly are a wonderful person and you’re strength and courage is inspiring. I’ll be praying for you on your journey. Xx

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