Image by Couleur from Pixabay

I just need to be me

woman in a meadow
Image by Katerina Knizakova from Pixabay

It’s been a weird couple of weeks. Coming back from Thailand was hard as it’s back to face normality again. I then got ill with the flu and along with other family members had to be swabbed for Coronavirus. Thank goodness none of us caught it. I am only just coming out of the other side of not feeling well now, but its definitely affected my resilience and my mental health has taken a knock.

The news about Caroline Flack also knocked me back, as I know it has many of my friends that also suffer from mental health problems. I think because we have been there it resonates. It is scary that this could have been our story! Relief that it isn’t for my family and friends sake, relief for me too, to have a chance at life. Depression and unwell voices disagree though and that battle is hard. So I have been extra careful with myself and told my family to look out for me, they have been amazing.

I am listening to classical music today as I play around with my blog and my poetry site too. It is very relaxing and it is good to be able to listen to music again. Music is so emotive and I avoided it when I was unwell, so it is great to be re-introducing that back into my life.

I love gospel music too and was so pleased to hear Kanye West’s new album, ‘Jesus is King’ it is brilliant. A mixture of rap and gospel. I love the song ‘God is’, I keep playing it over and over again, the ladies voice at the beginning of the track is amazing. ‘Selah’ is another incredible track.

Loving writing I also love lyrics, but again, have avoided this when I was numb to everything. I am so glad and more free now to be able to write again, listen to lyrics, enjoy poetry again and think about being creative again. I think we are all meant to be able to express ourselves and for me, writing has always been core to my sense of expression. I love words. Words have such power and meaning.

I feel like I am getting to know myself all over again and coming back to the basics of who I am. The poem I just wrote ‘strip everything away’ talks to that. I just want to be my pure truth. I just want to live true to myself and not get led astray by things that are unhelpful to me.

I need to protect my soul, my heart, my mind. I need to just be me.

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