It has been a very rocky week, I felt rather hopeless. I couldn’t see an end to my mental health problems, to the dissociating, to hearing voices and having hallucinations, nightmares, just feels like a constant battle. I felt like a burden and wanted to quit! The heaviness in my head was unbearable. I don’t know why this last week has been so bad, it just gets like that sometimes, but it has passed again. I think even when I am feeling really hopeless and in despair that I must always remember, it will pass.
I haven’t tried everything yet so there still is hope! Hope that I can have the right treatment and therapy in the future to help. I was thinking that I shouldn’t pursue therapy because I don’t want to look back, I just want to look forward, but I also need to deal with what is going on for me now to be able to move forward again and have the life I want to live, hopefully free from mental torment and pain. I am fortunate I have a great community mental health team who are working with me to look at all the options for treatment. I heard from a couple of friends recently that therapy has really helped them so that lifted my spirits.
I find when I am stressed and anxious that this triggers my symptoms, so keeping myself in as peaceful a state as possible is key, but not easy to do. I think I was striving to be peaceful and that in itself was causing anxiety because I am not where I want to be with peace and serenity in my life. I know that God can bring me peace and comfort, in turning to him it certainly helps, but it is a choice I have to make every day and that isn’t easy when my mind is so busy and full of noise. I know God is with me through all of this and I need to let him be my anchor, my guide.
I think starting the day right is essential, but again doesn’t solve everything. I am going to try a few new things this week to see if it improves my symptoms and I will journal about it to see if there are any patterns. Tracking is a useful tool for most things in life, it shines a light on what is going on and enables you to make small tweaks. I tracked my financial spending a few years ago and it made a big difference to my money management, the same with other habits like food, beverages and exercise. There are some apps that can help with tracking habits, personally I like to journal and like the app called ‘mood app’. Pen to paper journalling is my preference but the app on my phone makes me jot down things as they happen throughout the day as my phone is always with me.
The new things I am going to try are to get back into a rhythm and structure with starting the day and ending the day with some form of physical activity or exercise. I am also going to up my fruit and water intake to see if that makes a difference. I will also try reducing caffeine as it counteracts all the calming things I am putting in place such as drinking *calm tea, *camomile tea, peacefully praying & taking my anxiety meds when I need them. Caffeine is a stimulant and I need to access my own natural energy stores rather than rely on caffeine boosts. I am not going to cut it out completely as I do love a good cup of tea and a coffee, but certainly will minimise my intake. I have started drinking *Chicory as a replacement to coffee as this is organic, tastes and smells similar to coffee.
I hope this week will be a better week. I hope by tracking what is going on I can start to see more patterns and be able to make more positive changes.
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